I was watching the video Why Black Men Tend to Choose Ratchet Women Over Good Women. The overall thesis for the video is that Black men are attracted to ratchet women because a large number are raised and surrounded by ratchet women. The link is below.
While I was watching this video, I was thinking about my oldest nephew. Yes, I have one of those families whose older siblings had children before I was born, making me a young aunt at birth.
So my oldest nephew has been someone I have always respected since I was a little girl. Watching this man was fascinating. He always had waves. I know this because I brushed his hair for him. In the winter time, he would wear plastic bags over his sneakers, mainly Jordans, so they wouldn’t get dirty. Usually wore a White Sox or Chicago Bulls hat that matched his sneakers. His hygiene was good, smelling fresh with his Curve cologne and his Secrets deodorant (He’d rather smell “feminine” than musty any day.) Because of my oldest nephew, he has influenced what I find attractive in a man. I love a man with fresh waves and a crisp lining, fresh and clean sneakers with a matching hat, and a little thug and swag in his style.
For the most part, I have not dated any thuggish or bad guys since I was in high school. Growing up as a suburban girl, I created this image that thugs needed love and I could open my heart to them and help make them better people, having them reading for fun and shit. He could still be a tough guy and all in public, but a teddy bear when we were intimidate. You ask why would you want to change a bad guy into a good guy when you can already have a good guy? It is similar to how some men want slightly sexually experienced women so they can teach them how to be freaky or how some men do not like women working so they can financially support them. As a woman and nurturer, I feel important when I am needed. It gives me a good feeling knowing that my love made someone’s day better.
I learned later on this was unrealistic because one should never enter a relationship wanting to change a person; bring out their better qualities, but never change. In addition to, it’s too risky dating someone involved in the streets. If he is involved with drugs and gangs, I was going to get caught in that mess.
During college, I have mainly dated nice guys. The problem with good guys is they lack swag. Let’s make it clear. I define have swag as being smooth and masculine. Not corky. A smooth glide when he walks. Confidence in his speech, his moves, his every being. I am not saying I want a thug or a hood nigga necessarily. I have been breath taken by men who were wore suits, khakis at waist level, and loafers. The dilemma I have been battling with is understanding why I keep attracting these ugly (no disrespect), short stumpy guys, who are nice to me, but don’t get me going.
It is because the type of person I am. This is not an ego trip, but I am a quality young woman. I am pursuing a Bachelor’s degree, I have more than one job, always looking to develop myself mentally and career wise, funny, conversational, polite, do my best to look presentable and act like a lady, family orientated, can twerk, and have fun. Being this type of woman, it is only natural that I attract a quality man.
What disturbs me most is when people bash girls about chasing the bad boys and rejecting the nice ones. First off, it is human nature to want what you cannot have. Secondly, let us not front or pretend like men don’t be chasing hoes, but that is for another blog.
Let’s use an example from Family Matters for those of you who love visual tools and/or the 90s. I use the example of Steve Urkel and Stefan Urquelle because wanting a man with swag does not mean I want a roughneck, who wears dingy white beaters, has 3 baby mamas, and lives in his mama's basement.
On the show, Family Matters, Steve Urkel was an extremely intelligent nerd. His problem was he was clumsy, had a squeaky voice, and had no fashion sense. Stefan Urquelle on the other hand, (fans self), was his alter ego. He was a smooth talker and walker. He could dance, was sweet, and romantic. What made him different from the typical “Swag Master” or bad boy was that he was not a player. He only and always had eyes for Laura Winslow. I will admit, he was not as smart as Steve, but he was no idiot. So by no means do I want to supplement intelligence for good looks. On top of that he had a job. He was a model!
Below are links from the episode “Dr. Urkel vs. Mr. Cool”:
Steve Drinks Liquid (watch until 41 seconds)
Steve to Stefan Transformation
Stefan Dancing With Laura at Party
So ladies, when choosing someone to date, keep in mind what can be improved in a man. You can teach a man how to dress or how to dance, but it’s kind of hard to change an ass hole.
Fellas, women want a man who is one with his masculinity. Someone who is mature, confident, wise, and has something to offer intellectually, emotionally, physically, and sexually.
SH
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