Daddy Issues: Are Mine Valid?

 

Oomf (one of my followers) on Twitter, wrote a tweet about having father issues. After reading this tweet, I was quick to retweet and favorite it (these are ways to affirm someone's tweets on Twitter.)

When people ask me about my relationship with my father, I proudly respond, "My dad is my nigga". Fuck all that, "Oh my dad is the best daddy in the world. He treats me like a princess. He is the greatest man ever." While all this is true, my phrase complements our relationship. What I love about my dad the most and what makes our relationship unique, (besides his selflessness and willingness to spoil my mother and my sisters), is that we share the same sense of humor. We can go on for hours about the different words we can create from using the word, "Nigger". We also share a love for watching trashy TV and annoying my mother.  

 

Our relationship was not always like this. My dad and I really never had a relationship prior to my junior year in high school, when I spent my first summer vacation away from home. (I was living with sister in Chicago so I could  take summer school classes.) When he came to visit me after a few weeks, he gave me this big hug and told me he missed me. On my last day in Chicago,  he drove me home and  while he was driving, he was telling me stories about when him and my mother lived in Chicago while they were dating. (My mother is my only source to learning about my family and its history.)

 
My dad worked a lot when I was growing up. The only times I would see him were when he was sleeping in the afternoon from his night shift or when he would drop me off at school, but I had to share him with my sisters so that does not count. My mother was our primary caregiver. It was not until I grew older that I understood that my father loved me no less than my mother loved me. He just showed his love for me by working full time so I could have presents for my birthday and Christmas, a flute to play in band, food to eat, clothes on my back etc.  

 
Like I mentioned earlier, my dad was and still is a good father. This is why I feel guilty about writing this post. I feel that people who deserve to express their daddy issues are people with fathers who have poor parenting skills or whose fathers were not present in their lives at all. My father was around, married and committed to my mother and taking care of his family.

Still, being around my father would have been helpful. Because I always spent time with my mother or my sisters, I now get along with females just fine, unlike most women and girls I have met. Outside of friendships, I do not get along with men. This is apparent through my sex life, break ups, and being single for a few years with lousy dates in between. I think the lack of interaction I had with my father growing up has caused my disconnect with men.

 

I learned through experience and my gender communication class men and women have different communication styles. (Gendered Lives: Communication, Gender and Culture by Julia T. Wood is a good read.) When girls would tell me, “I know the game, I grew up with brothers and male cousins”, I would be on the side looking like I just ate a sour lemon. Sometimes I like to imagine that if I would have spent more time with my dad as a child, I would have been one of those girls who looked for love in her father, rather than in other men.

Moral of the story: spend time with your children

SH